No Words (No Palabras)

"Wow, you have an accent!"
"Nope, I have laryngitis."

I'm a curious person, and so on a number of occasions, I've wondered what it must be like to lose your voice. So, how is it? It's incredibly frustrating, inconvenient, and annoying. I cannot control the intonation in my voice. Not one bit. Never before, have I realized how powerful a tool intonation is! There is nuance, meaning, and my good friend passive aggression in intonation. It's not just my words, but how they are pitched, which ones are stressed, and which ones are elongated. Lately, when talking with someone from Philly, I've been using a Philly accent so I can stop getting those frowns that ask, "Where you from?". I guess, now, I sound foreign again. Now, all of my energy is spent trying to focus on basic verbal communication (when I am absolutely forced to speak), and not on my own thoughts of, "Crap, I sound like I'm dying." And for those of you who don't know, my hearing is that of an 85 year old who grew up next to a rock concert. So, I know things are bad when others can hear my hoarse whisper, but I can't. More and more, I'm having to rely on other's expressions to gauge whether or not they've heard me.

I am being forced, not asked, to think differently about daily things. How do I make my hair appointment, my portrait session has to be rescheduled, man I want to sing this song! So, there is a profound loss of control here, and I am quietly fascinated at what happens when you suddenly have no choice but to work around an ability that you're used to having at your disposal all of the time. I have been spoiled by my healthy vocal chords, and I miss them dearly. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I'll never ever take them for granted ever again. I definitely will...and I can't wait.